Depression is a relationship killer. It destroys emotional and physical intimacy and often drives partners in separate directions -- creating isolation and loneliness. It can turn previously intimate companions into distant, unkind strangers. The numbers bear out the destruction that depression can cause. Recent studies indicate that 40% of couples who seek counseling for marital distress have a partner battling depression. Divorce is 9 times more likely when one partner su

“We never have sex anymore. I feel rejected…unloved…alone.” “It’s like we’re roommates. We rarely make love, and when we do it’s passionless -- we’re just going through the motions.” As therapists, we hear these types of statements often – from both wives and husbands (don’t believe the stereotypes). And we know that sexual satisfaction is a significant contributor to overall relationship contentment. Simply put, when a partner is unhappy with their sex life, they are gen

“If you do not take a step forward, you will always be in the same place.” -Nora Roberts Change is Scary. And Hard. And Risky. But as the somewhat silly quote above reminds us, if you don’t change -- then things stay the same. I often meet individually with each member of a couple to hear their concerns about their marriage. Most of the time they talk about how terrified they are of making a change. As bad as things are, they’re scared and afraid of doing anything that will

“What’s the reason most relationships fail? Is it affairs, boredom, lack of sex, lack of communication?” That’s the question I’m asked most often. As any experienced therapist can tell you, couples come to therapy for a multitude of reasons. The list will not surprise you – conflict over finances, sex, and in-laws; challenges with roles in marriage, work-life balance, parenting, and the transition to being empty-nesters. Sometimes, it’s in preparation for marriage and someti

Do Over! In his new book Do Over, Jon Acuff points out that as kids we believed we had the power to declare a “Do Over” when we wanted to start again. http://acuff.me/do-over/ When we missed the mark, we’d just start over. If we miss-hit the ball, we’d yell out “Do Over” and try again. When the drawing wasn’t quite right, we’d crumple up the paper, throw it away, grab a new sheet and start again. We didn’t give a second thought to making a second attempt. Jon points out

"If you hold to Nature, to the simplicity that is in her, to the small detail that scarcely one man sees, which can so unexpectedly grow into something great and boundless; if you have this love for insignificant things and seek, simply as one who serves, to win the confidence of what seems to be poor: then everything will become easier for you, more coherent and somehow more conciliatory, not perhaps in the understanding, which lags wondering behind, but in your innermost co